The Married Men We Want

Dear Kato

This response follows a long WhatsApp correspondence with my closest of friends on whether you qualify to be taken as a lover, companion or both. The source of the deliberation is the fact that you are a married man. From our long-standing side chick expertise, thanks to that discussion, we have come up with a few fundamental requirements of the married men we want.

1. He must not be newly married. These ones are still testing the waters and are not even sure of their own characters in a new habitation with a person they thought they knew. So they tend to want other women in their moments of confusion. For that matter, a married man, say of at least five years experience has lived long enough to understand himself and his spouse to a better extent.
2. He should not be going through divorce, separation or bringing them up as a possibility. We have figured, this group of men, of ten things they tell you about their failing marriage, seven are why their wives are impossible to live with, two about why it is inevitable to end the marriage and one, if you are lucky, they will acknowledge their role in the failing of the marriage. So we prefer men with stable marriages who come to us by chance, by love or just being playful. We are not catholic priests to carry all the dirt of the individual and his family.
3. He should be able to see that the benefits of the relationship are mutual. We pay our bills and don’t need men to pay for synthetic hair, monitor lizard nails, and fake designer things. We are natural. In exchange men expect us to perform sex like porn/pop stars, make their food and, if you are lucky, he may discuss politics with you. No, we want men who understand that, even when many times they are at the higher end financially, we have no obligation to be woken up at 5am for their morning self-glory just for them not to give us when we want it, how we want it too. In other words, the relationship is not for us, the women to be shock absorbers and escapes, we too are escaping things in life and have sexual particularities.
4. A married Man with a vibrant family life. We want active fathers who attend school meetings, if possible even be a school board member. Men who would consult us on career choices for their children. Not those who are not even sure what grades their children are in. We want fathers who let their wives sleep at home in case of child hospitalization. Men who show admiration for their wives without rubbing it in our faces. The kind of man who, on the first day, says it with a glow, “I am married with three children”. We want those men with strong homes so that society doesn’t blame us for wrecking broken homes.
5. No womanizer. It is enough to share his time between work, watching football and drinking, church and family. But not to add to the list a number of unknown temporal and long-term string of other women. And this type is the most deceitful. They give you all the time in the beginning and come once in forever like eclipses, but keep track of you 24/7. These are teenagers we can’t groom.
6. He somehow should find similar frustrations between his wife and me. From time to time, he can express his frustration about his wife, not all the time; I am no marriage councilor (touché!) and not a divine being to listen to all the wrong things. But this relationship is promising if many times I agree with his wife or he feels frustrated that his wife and I raise the same complains and questions about him. That relationship has a potential because I know he has a type.

Therefore, my dear Kato, reflect on the above stated terms and conditions. If you feel qualified, and can adhere to them, I shall inform my WhatsApp assembly ASAP so that we proceed with your selection based on your credentials.

It could be signed off with love in the future :)

Katarina